For more than half my years living I have used and sometimes abused a varying number of alcoholic drinks and illegal drugs, especially those known to be found rampant in urban communities: Liquor, beer, moonshine, marijuana, synthetic marijuana(k2), hashish, cigarettes, cigars, hookah, cocaine, oxycodone, & ecstasy. I have also shared and sold some of these poisons to my very own beloved people.
At a very young age I began having unprotected sex with multiple partners: Light-skinned, dark-skinned, white, black, heavy, thin, long-hair, short-hair, don't care, tall, short, eight to eighty, blind, crippled, or crazy. Basically, anything that moved. Non-committal involvements and reckless sex patterns over and over for years at time.
As a teenager and young adult I've had access to many different kinds of weapons, particularly guns: .22, .25, .357, .45, .380 calibers, rifles, and sawed-off 12 gauge shotguns. I thought I wanted to gangbang. I have shot at and have been shot at by people. I have heard bullets eerily whistling past my ears. I spent most of my days enclosed in a 10 block radius. I have had multiple encounters with law enforcement, even one that led to a stint in state prison and several county jail sittings.
Well into my adult years, excessive partying, crime, promiscuity, and substance abuse eventually led to me dropping out of high school and homelessness several times. It also contributed to my divorce and being exiled from the home where my children lay. It caused my friends and family to ostracize me at times. It caused problems with my mental, emotional, and physical health and well-being. It led to me being branded as a convicted felon and enduring all the negative impact that comes along with that unwanted title.
I knew I wanted to change but didn't quite know how to. It took me to become aware of my dissatisfaction that started the wheels of change turning. Dissatisfaction brings change. You must know you are dissatisfied though. To the contrary, I was satisfied with partying (at least I thought I was), mainly because of the sexcapades and the numbing of my senses and awareness as to what was going on around me. I began to become aware of the things I didn't like about the lifestyle that I was leading and the potentially disastrous end to it. I realized I deserved better for myself, my children, and my family.
I began to slowly implement different hobbies and habits into my lifestyle. I stiff-armed the negative peers and their pressures. I began to make sacrifices by ridding myself of dead weight that came in the form of so-called friends or organizational loyalists. I would read more to escape into a broader view of the world. I would pray, all day, everyday. Not necessarily always on my knees, but just sending thoughts to God and His remembrance throughout each day to help keep me in check and focused on the goal. I started remembering the things I liked to do, that the partying wasn't allowing me to do anymore. I would visit loved ones more often than before and take part in family gatherings that I once opted to skip out on. Slowly, but surely, I began to remember what was always more important to me and what truly made me happy.
To make a long story short & fast-forward to 2018, I am now alcohol, drug, tobacco, gang, and firearm-free!
I use my time, resources, and services to stay actively involved in community services and volunteer work. I have a plant-based diet. I drink lots of water (and not as a liquor chaser). I practice meditation and yoga. I exercise and run several miles per week. I travel to multiple states several times per year. I literally would not harm a fly. I am in a monogamous fwb situation[heyy..gimme some credit, I came a long way]. I have changed. I am in the world. Therefore, I changed the world! I said all of that to make one simple point: If I can change, anybody can!!
Peace. N8 The Gr8
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